Billy's Fourth Gear

This is one of my all time favourite ideas yet to be staged -

My good friend Billy and his concept of a one man show talking about the 4th gear in his car. Here is a draft by the great Billy B:

I used to own a 1985 nissan bluebird series 3. it was a lovely car but had some issues with understeer at low speeds in the wet/ gravel surfaces. besides that i could not fault the car. it was a manual car (and probably still is, i sold it to some elderly woman for $1200 late 2006) and had only five gears including reverse. this is not as big a deal as it sounds, i can hear you all saying that 4 gears would barely be enough to cruise comfortably in an urban situation let alone opening it up on the highway - well let me divulge some of the information i learnt of this magical fourth gear of mine. the first gear usually got me to about 30 kmph at best, and was quite gutless. it is difficult to know when i should have hcanged gears as the car had no tacho, but i think after getting the engine to hit the rev limter a couple of times i mastered it. Anyway after the first gear came....the second, and this gear was a lot better getting me to anything from 20 kmph up to 60. then third gear was a real stunner topping out at a whopping 90km. then came the piece de resistance - the magical fourth gear. with some deft use of the clutch and favourable slopes to help the car out i was able to get fourth gear to be a force from a miniscule 15kmph. this may not seem like much of a feat but i'll tell you what, in a 1985 nissan bluebird it is, it wasn't just a fourth gear but it was also the final gear, an "overdrive" if you will, so for it to be able to move the car at all at these snail paced speeds was a wonder for all to behold. I recall a few years ago now, Hugh, myself and John X and a multitude of other tasmanian acting personalities were driving to the "detroit" of tasmania. X had (and may still have) a mazda mx5, a zippy little sportscar - quite fun to drive, if somewhat underpowered. There i was in my racing red bluebird minding my own business when along he came doing in excess of 120km. Well i could not sit idly by and watch him try to make a mockery of 80s engineering. so i shifted back into my luscious 3rd gear and planted it. Many of you who have been in fast sportcars 300kw+ will know what it feels like to be doing 80 then shifting back into 3rd and lighting it up, this is nothing like what it felt like in the bluebird, it was more like my car was being pushed by about 20 disgruntled bears and then post my foot hitting the floor a couple more bears started pushing - noticeable but not anything to write an enormous blog about. then when my finely tuned ears registered my engine hitting the redline i quickly double clutched it into 4th.......I almost came at that moment, but i didn't much to my delight and disappointment but my car did maze me. the speedo steadily crept from 90 to a mindblowing 160km/h. i overtook X lauging to myself and simultaneously freaking out at the skittish and rabid handling of my car at speeds it was never designed to contemplate. then we arrived at our destination.

I must also report that upon return to hobart I cracked the head gasket, leading me to believe that i had abused the car a little more than i should have. but all in all how can you complain about a car with a fourth gear that will go from 15 to 160??? you can't. and i never will. sometimes i miss that car, most times i dont. thankyou.